Search for Balance

Well, I am proud to say that I have finally hit that point when I need to actually take action in my life. I’m tired of sitting around at an unsatisfying job (wow I never thought I’d say that) barely scraping by, not able to fully enjoy the life I have. On the surface it really seems like everything should be ideal…and maybe that’s why a lot of the people I went to for advice and perspective seemed a bit confused when I expressed my dissatisfaction.

I do have a lot going for me right now, but all of it has its negative sides (but what doesn’t really?): My family is living here now so I get to see my little nephew and brother whenever I want (see pic); I’m finally figuring out who my real friends are and who I’m willing to trust fully (unfortunately there is one in particular who just won't give up trying to get into that circle of trust--makes things difficult); and of course the little things I probably take for granted such as: my own place to live, a working car, a job where I pretty much get to create my own schedule and amount of hours I work.

Unfortunately, I’m having a hard time balancing all of those things out. I feel like my life is consumed by my job. I’m either working the desk, working the wings or A.L., or I’m taking residents out. By the time I’m finished with all of that, I don’t have the energy for much else. All I feel like doing is going home and passing out for 12 hours straight and if I try to do anything I’m exhausted and feel like a walking zombie (no I don’t know where my recent fascination with zombies came from Ryan.) I can’t even imagine trying to do all of that with a family (props to those that do). Which is why I’m a so frustrated when older people tell me I’m young and have so many opportunities I should be jumping on. I should go back to school if that’s what I want…I’m not really seeing that as a possibility. I don’t think they realize how much time I spend trying to get a decent paycheck, no matter how many times I have to lay it out for them.

Now, it’s time to do something about it rather than sit around and whine about it to Carla and Ryan *teehee* I just need to remember to be patient (definitely not one of my strong points). I need to remember that there is satisfaction in knowing I’m moving towards my goals, the goals that I have finally laid out for myself. If there is something negative holding me back from them, then it’s time to reconsider its true significance.

Now I know I mentioned this a little bit already, but I’m a person of balance. If I don’t feel like the things in my life are balanced out, I’m in a constant state of irritation (probably explains my mood swings). That is one of my top goals…woohoo!